Uncategorized – Jess Moran

Revival

On the way back from Utah Ky and I listened to a Huberman Lab (I know, I know) podcast featuring Esther Perel. We took the trip because we’d entered the repair stage of our relationship, certain (like we’d been the whole time) that we loved each other, but feeling trepidation that we could actually be […]

rat poison and Christmas

I finally really lost it today and started crying, and then sobbing, in my car leaving the gym. Maybe just a combo of holiday stress and my dog being sick, but the impetus was rodenticide use. While my landlords were in agreement with me that we’d have the pest control company use traps instead of […]

girly things.

Emma and I got our hearts broken and Nora broke her collarbone mountain biking, and as shattering as this season has unexpectedly been, I can’t help but feel like I’m flopped down in a bed of pillows watching my girlies take care of one another. Meaning, Emma and I couldn’t eat for a few weeks […]

73 tomatoes

I am trying to quantify my pain, measure it out and weigh it. I am looking at the numbers, analyzing my data. I don’t know if I’m looking for clues or comfort or neither. Maybe I just want math because it is unfeeling. It has been fifteen days and ten pounds lost to this grief. […]

Sparkly Capitalism

I sat across from the woman with my ankles crossed, palms resting on my knees, slightly leaning forward to match her posture. I wasn’t going to close my eyes though. That seemed like a fortune-tellers only kind of thing. She started telling me about a circle of women holding hands; did I have that kind […]

49 years later

My partner woke me up the other morning with a little heading he found on Reddit. Something about some congressman calling women “earthen vessels sanctified by God”, and while the comment made us both cackle with laughter for a little bit it also left me with that sinking despair feeling I often get when I […]

Haunted

I stopped writing in anything other than the journal he helped me make, but it’s winter now, the Sunday morning to the Saturday night of Summer, and I guess it’s time I address my absence. Not to an imaginary audience, or even to the friends who aren’t on speaking terms with me anymore, but to […]

Ed goes climbing.

Lately I feel like I’m seeing a lot of op-eds and exposés of eating disorders in the climbing community. It started with Beth Rodden, certified badass and hero to a generation of climbers. Then we got Cathy Karlo’s podcast episode about them, in which she got a bunch of us to send in little voice […]

One Week.

I haven’t smoked a cigarette in a week, but I did want one so badly I cried about it on Wednesday. Here’s what it was like; It was like it’s been this horrible, broken year of reckoning and failure and fear and anger, and I’ve been smoking a lot. Like, yeah, Covid affects your lungs […]

Capital

December 11, 2020
by jmadmin

Something happened last night. I want to talk about it. First, let me tell you about this debate I lost in high school. See, I’d dropped out in my freshmen year so I could earn dual credit at the community college and also spend all my time riding horses, but they still let me be […]

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